Interview #2

Age: 40

Years Married: 9.5

Children: 2

One previous marriage - divorced after 3 yrs. That was my college boyfriend....met at age 19 (hello, ridiculous age) - got married at 23 and divorced when I was 27.

  

What is the best quality about your spouse? 

Not so much one thing, but a combination of things. He is extraordinarily level headed...ridiculously intelligent....accepts my faults...I love that he and I enjoy a lot of the same things. He's responsible, honest, has integrity.

How important is Sex in your relationship?  Do you look forward to sex, or do you feel it has become a “duty”?

I am sad to report that sleep often wins out over sex. I do look forward to it, but it isn't first on the priority list.

When you first got married, is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

Not specifically. When we first got married I wasn't sure I wanted to have kids and he was okay with that. After a few years I really really wanted kids, not just for the sake of having kids, but because I wanted them with HIM.

What is your favorite thing to do with your spouse?

We have two small kids - sleep! Ok, that's kind of serious, but kind of not. Ok, in a fantasy moment, it would be a really nice dinner out together or traveling and exploring together. But on a more realistic, down to earth note, I think it's simply reading together or playing board games. I know, goofy, but it's fun to chat and play board games and drink tea after the kids are in bed.

What is the best thing about being married? The Worst?

I think realizing that as much as I sometimes think he doesn't understand me, that he really is the only person that truly gets me and accepts all of me. For some reason I'm having trouble thinking of things in terms of the best and worst. Worst.....in-laws? That might be it! I often need to remind myself that some of the things that bother me (like he's always late for things....) have always been the case. I mean he's always been kinda late for things, so I can't complain that much because I knew what I was getting into.

What is the one thing you wish you could tell women who are looking for love?

I think a lot of people want a WEDDING. They just want the romantic idea of a big wedding and happily ever after....instead of finding love first and planning a life together. I believe you need to be truly and honestly happy alone before you can be happy with someone else. I've met people who say "I want to get married young - or I always knew I wanted to get married before I was [insert random age here]." What? I mean what the hell does that mean? I don't get how you can decide to get married at a certain age when you haven't met that person yet. I mean what is the plan - just marry a warm body who will propose to you when you are 23, regardless of if you think you can be happy with them in 20 years? I also think that a lot of people make the mistake of thinking they can change someone to be more compatible with them. Nope, sorry, that doesn't happen. And if it does I think in the end you will both resent it.