The Rules for Marriage

So I came across this book while I was at the Library.

"The Rules of Marriage" Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

I'm not going to provide a link to it; it's not a GREAT book on Marriage.

There are better ones out there.

Anyway, so they have these 43 rules that are "supposed" to make your marriage work.

I'm anxious to know what constitutes people as "experts" of love and marriage.

I mean, do they just let anyone write books about marriage? Is there a test you have to take?

Some of the Rules I like:

#3 Keep up your looks

So many women let themselves go after marriage/kids. I always feel better after I put on mascara and do my hair.

#16 Don't use the D (divorce) Word

Don’t let it be an option.

#24 He can say anything about his family but you can't

I love this one.

Some rules I was unsure about:

#10 Accept that some things are none of your business

I’m not super big on secrets. Why can’t we share everything?

#31 Don't complain about the kids

The author says to complain to your mom friends, instead of to your husband. That is stupid.

#39 Don't think marriage counseling is the answer

Sometime it is, right? I'm a huge advocate for counseling. It’s good to have someone to talk to/listen.

#40 Realize that your marriage is over if he cheats even once

Once a cheater, always a cheater? That’s the big question. I realize that some men never change, but maybe some do. I'd like to think that some men are capable of change.

I've realized over the course of my research and reading, you just can't believe all of the marriage advice out there. What works for some people, doesn't work for others. I was also reading somewhere online that both of the authors are divorced. What the heck?

girl number one

January Reading

Girl Number One

I hope you girls read "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate". Ahh, so good. Honestly, it changed the way I look at sex. Honestly. The author, Joan Sewell, not only is brutally honest and open about her sex life with boyfriend, then fiancé, then husband, she is a really great writer. So many times when I read these "self-help/relationship guide" books, I can't get past the horrible writing. But, Ahh, a breath of fresh air with Joan.

Two of my favorite Quotes are from the Beginning of the book.

"Dr. Laura Berman said, 'A lot of men don't realize that some of the best foreplay you can give your wife is taking the kids, washing the dishes, cleaning up. She will be so turned on, right?'"

Read out loud to my husband.

"If you don't enjoy sex, and are having it anyway, you are truly being submissive in the most personal way possible."

I love this book because it's not just one woman's ideas and thoughts. The author researches and reads and searches for answers about sex and marriage. She quotes television, other writers, and other women.

It's really a collaboration of thoughts. And it's powerful; and for me, life changing.

Let me know what you thought about the Book. 

Recommended Reading

"How to Be Good"  Nick Hornby

I read this Book awhile ago, and have kept this quote on my computer.

“What you don’t ever catch a glimpse of on your wedding day- because how could you?- is that some days you will hate your spouse, that you will look at him and regret ever exchanging a word with him, let alone a ring and bodily fluids. Nor is it possible to foresee the desperation and depression, the sense that your life is over, the occasional urge to hit your whining children, even though hitting them is something you knew for a fact you would never ever do. And of course you don’t think about having affairs, and when you get to that stage in life when you do (and everyone gets there sooner or later), you don’t think of the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you’re conducting them, their inherent unhappiness. And nor do you think about your husband waking up in the morning and being someone you don’t recognize. If anyone thought about any of these things, then no one would ever get married, of course they wouldn’t; in fact, the impulse to marry would come from the same place the impulse to drink a bottle of bleach, and those are the kinds of impulses we try to ignore, rather than celebrate. So we can’t afford to think about these things because getting married- or finding a partner whom we will want to spend our lives with and have children by- is on our agenda. It’s something we know we will do one day, and if you take that away from us then we are left with promotions at work and the possibility of a winning lottery ticket and it’s not enough, so we kid ourselves that it is possible to enter these partnerships and be faced only with the problem of mud removal, and then we become unhappy and take Prozac and then we get divorced and die alone. “

Obviously we're in the midst of Dirty Realism here. The glass is half empty. And perhaps as much as we need to hear the truth about Marriage- it's hard, it's difficult, some days you will wake up and hate your spouse- we also need to hear about the magic. We need to know that some nights our husband w i l l bring home flowers. We need to know that some nights our husband w i l l hang up his coat and put his shoes away. Sure, it's not always rainbows and butterflies, but it's not always unahappiness and Prozac. We get to have both. The rainbows tide us over until the rain comes again.

Girl Number One

January Reading

Check out our new tab: Books.

Every Month we'll be reading a new book about love or sex or marriage. Possibly all three.

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We can enjoy, discuss, learn, grow.