Happy Anniversary

Sorry to have abandoned you. We were on vacation. And my feeling about marriage these days? Blah.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 4th Anniversary in a couple of weeks. My husband is not big on celebrating or anything. I usually make him buy me something. I realize 4 years isn’t anything to get worked up about. I mean we've made it past the honeymoon stage. Now we're in the stage when we're too busy for sex, too broke for date night and we're having a hard time deciding between buying a house and getting divorced. Yes, that's year 4 in a nutshell.

Well here are my lows and highs from the past 4 years.

Highs:

Year two, we started watching The Office. We borrowed the DVDs from a friend, and every night we’d watch until we couldn’t keep our eyes open. My husband would be too tired to get up for work in the morning. My husband doesn’t think I’m funny, and I think he’s a big dull dud, so the fact that we found something that amused us both was incredible. We laughed so hard.

The first year of marriage? Bliss. He would take a long lunch. Come home from work; we would have sex and eat lunch together. I would make everything from scratch. Cookies, bread, lasagna. Then, in the evening, I’d wait by the door for him to return from work. And we’d eat dinner together. Have sex. Talk about how much we loved each other. Ughhh. Gag. I’m glad that’s over.

 Lows:

When we moved across the Midwest, we had no furniture. Well we had a mattress. So we slept on that, ate on the floor and played brick breaker on our phones. So about 2 weeks after we moved, we drove 90 minutes down to IKEA and spent 8 hours getting EVERYTHING we needed for the house. Furniture to pots and pants. My husband has an opinion about the décor of the house, so the conflict and stress of picking out an entire house was almost too much for our marriage. Then after we had spent 8 hours with a newborn in IKEA, we discovered they didn’t deliver to our house. So my husband drove our stuff home in a moving truck, and then came back and got us. Wiped us out.

Driving 22-hours across country with 3 children and in-laws. We made it half-way, and my husband suggested we head home. After 2 hours of convincing him the rest of the trip wouldn’t kill us, we headed South. It was really stressful financially for my husband. The kids were having out-of-control-meltdowns everyday and the in-laws were exhausted. Perhaps a vacation after vacation?

So Celebrating 4 years of laughing, love, stress, kids, in-laws, redecorating...

  Girl
Number One

"I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ"-Anais Nin

Thankful Thursday Part 2

Okay, Fine. I'll make a list too. I don't want to be the one who is ungrateful. And I think I am ungrateful. After awhile, you just start expecting things from your spouse. You stop appreciating. So 10 things, I love about my husband.

1.      He works 2 jobs so I can stay home with the kids. He would work 8 jobs if he had to.

2.      He indulges my love of shoes.

3.      Some nights he comes home and says, “I know you want to go out to eat. Where to? Mexican?”

4.      He doesn’t know who is playing in the Super Bowl or what March Madness is. Instead he watches the Jersey Shore with me.

5.      He never says anything bad about me behind my back.

6.      He (usually) doesn’t get mad when I call him 7 times while he’s working.

7.      When I cry, he lets me wipe my nose on his shirt.

8.      He didn’t get too mad when we accidentally got pregnant 3 times. He’s a really great dad.

9.      He always says, “Okay, baby” when I tell him I need something.

10.  After almost 4 years, he finally puts the toilet seat down.

Girl Number One

Thankful Thursday

I'm going to pause and take a break from complaining. I'm going to list 10 things that I love about being married to my husband. Bear with me please. I am doing this for me. I need to do this so I can break out of my slump; this slump that I have found myself in...going three days strong. With the smell of bleach still clinging to my fingers (my husband was supposed to clean the tub, not me..) I will tell you, honestly, 10 new things that I love about my husband.

1. He's very very clean. He always smells good and always takes a shower. And always brushes his teeth.
2. My husband is very smart. He knows how to spell and he's like a living, breathing, Thesaurus. Comes in handy.
3. He laughs out loud while he's watching TV by himself.
4. He listens really well and always takes my side...unless I'm being a complete moron.
5. He is a really good Dad to our little one. He's affectionate and loving and loves to play with her.
6. He tells me he loves me every time we hang up on the phone and every time I leave the house.
7. He's a diligent worker at his job.
8. He does crossword puzzles while he watches sports
9. He never gets mad at me for crying. every day.
10. Every night I fall asleep reading, and he takes my glasses off and puts my book away and kisses me goodnight.

Whew. I feel better already.
girl number two

Extension of Interview #2

In a follow-up E-mail:

Also, I just wanted to say that in daily life with him - he does stuff that bugs the crap out of me. I mean the being late, snoring, forgetting to take out the garbage, royally screwing up on my birthday....but I've been trying really hard not to focus on those things.

I mean I know that is all just petty little stuff....and it irks me, but I am sincerely trying to let that stuff slide. It's easy for me to focus on those negative things...and all that does is end up making me really mad about stuff that is actually pretty dumb. So I try to bitch about it to my girlfriends and then feel better when I hear that everyone has equally goofy issues and that life isn't always "perfect", for anyone.

Interview #2

Age: 40

Years Married: 9.5

Children: 2

One previous marriage - divorced after 3 yrs. That was my college boyfriend....met at age 19 (hello, ridiculous age) - got married at 23 and divorced when I was 27.

  

What is the best quality about your spouse? 

Not so much one thing, but a combination of things. He is extraordinarily level headed...ridiculously intelligent....accepts my faults...I love that he and I enjoy a lot of the same things. He's responsible, honest, has integrity.

How important is Sex in your relationship?  Do you look forward to sex, or do you feel it has become a “duty”?

I am sad to report that sleep often wins out over sex. I do look forward to it, but it isn't first on the priority list.

When you first got married, is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

Not specifically. When we first got married I wasn't sure I wanted to have kids and he was okay with that. After a few years I really really wanted kids, not just for the sake of having kids, but because I wanted them with HIM.

What is your favorite thing to do with your spouse?

We have two small kids - sleep! Ok, that's kind of serious, but kind of not. Ok, in a fantasy moment, it would be a really nice dinner out together or traveling and exploring together. But on a more realistic, down to earth note, I think it's simply reading together or playing board games. I know, goofy, but it's fun to chat and play board games and drink tea after the kids are in bed.

What is the best thing about being married? The Worst?

I think realizing that as much as I sometimes think he doesn't understand me, that he really is the only person that truly gets me and accepts all of me. For some reason I'm having trouble thinking of things in terms of the best and worst. Worst.....in-laws? That might be it! I often need to remind myself that some of the things that bother me (like he's always late for things....) have always been the case. I mean he's always been kinda late for things, so I can't complain that much because I knew what I was getting into.

What is the one thing you wish you could tell women who are looking for love?

I think a lot of people want a WEDDING. They just want the romantic idea of a big wedding and happily ever after....instead of finding love first and planning a life together. I believe you need to be truly and honestly happy alone before you can be happy with someone else. I've met people who say "I want to get married young - or I always knew I wanted to get married before I was [insert random age here]." What? I mean what the hell does that mean? I don't get how you can decide to get married at a certain age when you haven't met that person yet. I mean what is the plan - just marry a warm body who will propose to you when you are 23, regardless of if you think you can be happy with them in 20 years? I also think that a lot of people make the mistake of thinking they can change someone to be more compatible with them. Nope, sorry, that doesn't happen. And if it does I think in the end you will both resent it.

In-laws

Yes, my in-laws arrived in town yesterday. Yes, they are staying For a month. If you don't hear from me for awhile, check the gutters. I mean, I love my in-laws, it's not that. I just might need more meds. Cuz I can't just sit around and watch soaps and eat bonbons when people are watching....

girls number one