The Good Fight

(Refer to my previous blog entry, Tug of War)
(And yes, for those of you who are noticing, I stole this blog title from a Sex and the City episode.)

My husband and I got into a (ridiculous) argument about really ridiculous things like: dishes, cooking, putting stuff away, toilet paper, and things like that. I cried, he yelled; we didn't talk for two hours, we screamed more, we laughed, I got mad again and he yelled some more and stormed into the bedroom...it was just one of those fights that lasted for hours and hours and nothing was accomplished. We finally fell into bed, exhausted, at midnight. After awhile we didn't even know what we were fighting about.

I may be completely off base here, but sometimes it feels good to fight. I get a lot of things off my chest. I'm a people pleaser (to the MAX) and most of the times I have a really hard time being honest about the way I feel. So when we're fighting, it gives me a chance to be brutally honest. It was silly and childish, and we each said very hurtful things.

But the next day on my facebook wall, for ALL the world to see, was this: 

"Baby, I love you so much. I need to work harder for you, and I will. I promise."

Coffee was ready and hot, the dishes were done, and my kitchen was sparkling clean before my husband left for work at 7am. Hmm..

So fighting sometimes just gets all that energy out and lays everything on the table. There's a couple hurt feelings and mental bruises, so to speak, but that heals. It ended up being a really good fight.

Girl no. 2

Movie Quotes

I was reading through some movie quotes today and came across this one.
From "Overboard", one of my favorite movies. I think this may be
my life quote.
Or perhaps, the motto for our Blog?

"I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God."

girl number one

Nice things

My husband and I don't speak the same love language (Love Languages). I don't want to paint my husband in a bad light or anything, but seriously, in the past 4 years, he's done about 8 nice things for me. Nice things = my love language. Most of the time he is a pain in my ass. And sometimes he does nice things for me, but they benefit him somehow. Like when he bought me an Iphone. I didn't really want one anyway, and the reality behind him buying it- he wanted an Iphone and he knew I'd be mad if he spent $400 on himself. (He got some deal; ended up only spending $400 on both and we had a $200 credit at best buy, so it was actually a pretty sweet deal).

Anyway, so this morning he had to wake up early and catch a flight. He kissed me before he left and said, "I made coffee for you." Okay keep in mind:

1. This is  the first time he's ever made me coffee in the morning.

2. I'm sure this was partly selfish, bc he wanted some coffee bc he was leaving early. But I didn't even care. It was the best part of my day, week, month.

Girl number one

Tug of War

Sometimes I feel like marriage is a game of tug-of-war. But, it's not fun...so I shouldn't call it a game.
Who worked harder this week?
Who got the least amount of sleep?
Who's the most stressed?
Who did the dishes last?
Who changed the last diaper?
Who changed the last POOPY diaper?
Who cooks more?
Who does more laundry?
Why is it such a battle? Why can't we just stop and appreciate what the other does and help out when we can? The person who had the least amount of sleep has the upper hand. The person with the full time job has the upper hand. Why? I so tired of tugging and pulling and trying to prove to my husband that I'm exhausted. I'm sick of him laying on the couch every day off he has, because he "works full time."I don't get a "day off" to lay on the couch. And on my "day off" I go to work. Actual work. I work a couple of days a week as a server. But when I get home it's back to laundry, cleaning, taking care of an eight month old.
Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

girl number two

Interview #1

I interviewed my Grandparents. They have been married for 60 years. My Grandpa's answers are in blue and my Grandma's answers are in pink. I didn't change any of their words.


Question 1-
How important is happiness to you? In your own life? In your marriage? Would you stay in a relationship if you were unhappy?

"NO! But "relationship" is a phony word for marriage."

"I'd probably stay. Probably"

Question 2-
What is the best quality about your spouse? Is that quality something you initially looked for in a spouse?

"Grace. Yes...how lucky to have found it."

"I was looking for a prince. Honest, hardworking, and caring. He is all of those."

Question 3-
What is the best marriage advice you have ever received? The worst?

The Best: "Nick, she is not your type! or Be gentle. "Think of spouse first, always. Laugh at your kids."
The Worst "Show her who is boss."

Question 4-
When you first got married is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

"YES! Though I didn't expect to live this long."

"Yes"

Question 5-

Was there ever a time in your marriage, when you wanted to quit? How did you get through that?

"Prodigal children and grandchildren are the hardest to get through, but the last forty years were the easiest. Keep moving ahead toward your goals."

"Prayer time, family and friends."

Question 6-

What is the best thing about being married? The Worst?

"Companionship with Grace herself. There is no worst! But, the demands of love are....demanding."

"My friend. Doing things together, being together. The worst is being alone."


Girl No.2

Bobby Pins

Question I get asked the most (by my husband):

Why are your bobby pins all over the house? The floor? In our bed?

girl #1

Headaches and Orgasms

So, for the past 3 days, I've had a headache. Maybe brought on by stress, lack of sleep, new birth control. Who knows. I vaguely remember something about orgasms getting rid of migraines. Won't hurt to try...

And my headache is gone. Seriously. No headache.

Interesting Article about sex, migraines, headaches and orgasms

girl number one

Plateau

Sorry, I haven't written in awhile. I've been feeling blah and melancholy about my marriage. Perhaps we have hit a plateau. Which is okay, because I’m completely exhausted from the recent highs and lows. Specifically the lows.

The last time my husband and I had sex? Hmmm. Actually I can’t even remember.

He was putting the moves on me the other night, and I felt like I was going to puke. I’m just being honest. Perhaps this is just a phase? A phase that lasts while you have preschoolers. You’re so exhausted that the thought of having sex makes you want to puke?

Please tell me I’m not the only one…

Girl number one

Quote of the Week

Husband: What is menopause? When you stop being horny?

Girl number one

Date Night (with my husband)

Date Number #1, with my husband.
Date night was actually enjoyable. No kids. Starbucks. Movie. Wings and Beer.

Except the combo of starbucks and wings was a bad idea, but

we really wanted to have/do everything we love.

So despite the upset stomach and "too tired for Sex" later that night,

Date = success

Girl Number One

Absence

I do believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
My husband started a new job and has worked 10am to 8pm for five days straight. When he gets home I'm so happy to see him. We talk and laugh and kiss and cuddle.
When we were stuck inside for two days because of a snow storm, we almost got a divorce. Why is that?
Maybe humans are not supposed to be with their lover, constantly.
We need our own space to breathe. I enjoy when my husband is gone. I scrapbook, read, watch stupid TV, and sing to Glee songs.
But, having him gone 50+ hours a week is hard, too.
Do you agree? Would you rather have your loved one constantly around or do you need space?

Girl. No.2

Regina Spektor

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

Rules

It’s been 2 months since I began my search for love. I’ve gotten some bad advice, mostly from Hollywood. I’ve been reading a lot. I’ve been listening to love songs. I’ve talked to couples who have wonderful marriages. I’ve talked to women who are unhappy.

I keep coming back to “Sex and the City.” Crazy, right? Here’s what I keep thinking about: this idea that you can write our own rules. Rules that allow you to be comfortable and happy in your relationship. Rules that may clash with those of an orthodox marriage. Rules that justify open marriages and multiple partners. Rules that justify not wearing a wedding band.

Are you allowed to make up your own rules? As long as both are on board?

Girl Number One

Vacation

Girl No.2

I have been on vacation from the blog/life, but I'm back and ready for writing!
In the next couple of days, I'm going to post the interview I did with my Grandparents, who have been married for 60 years. I learned a lot from them and can't wait to share with my readers.

Soon to come!

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