Another Day of Blah

So I was looking back on recent Blogs. And I see a similar theme: my marriage is blah. I think what it comes down to is this: I don't have the energy to spice it up. I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally and everything in between. I'm tired of always taking the first step. Here is what else I'm tired of: My husband only touching me when he wants sex. Can he kiss me without grabbing my boobs?

The other things that pisses me off? My husband's indecisiveness. One days he’s ranting that I don’t do enough around that house (what?!?!), the next day he’s thanking me for everything I do. One day he’s suggesting we date other people. The next day he wants to buy a house with a white picket fence.

Make up your damn mind.

girl number one

Interview #3

Years Married: 1 year  8 months

I have been married twice before.  The first marriage was to my daughter’s father.  I was 19 and it lasted 1 year.  My second marriage was to a man 12 years older than me.  I knew I preferred women from a very early age but didn’t think the ‘lifestyle’ fit the type of family I wanted.  It wasn’t until I was in my second marriage that I started meeting other gay people and learned that they had similar values as me.

My wife was married once before for ten years and the two are actually still friends. As a matter of fact, she came to our wedding.

The lows of past marriages would be that I could never fully be myself; therefore, I chose people to be with who were abusive and didn’t actually care about who ‘myself’ was.

I love being married to my wife, so there are so many highs.  To know that someone actually loves you for you is just amazing.  She supports me in everything I do and believes in me when I can’t or just don’t believe in myself. 

How important is happiness to you? In your Own Life? In your Marriage? Would you stay in a marriage if you were unhappy?

Happiness is one of my life goals, so very important in my life and marriage.  I have stayed in unhappy marriages and can tell you that they start killing parts of you.  This isn’t to say that I am going to bail on marriage if we have unhappy moments; instead I am going to work very hard to figure out what is going on and why we are unhappy.  My Wife is a very “therapy positive” person.  I am not, but I would be in a therapist office in a minute if she told me she was unhappy and wanted us to seek therapy together. 

What is the best quality about your spouse? Is that quality something you initially looked for in a spouse?

My wife is open and honest.  It is something that I struggle with but also know that it makes us a stronger couple.  I have a hard time sharing feelings.  She has to share feelings.

She is also the most compassionate and caring person I know.  It is her entire life.  She even makes her living from it.  She is pediatric chaplain.  She donates to a huge list of charities, raises money for childhood cancer research, and raises awareness about all kinds of social justice issues from immigration laws to human trafficking for sexual exploitation.

She is also the most intelligent person I know.

When you first got married, is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

Life is better than I have ever imagined.  I was in love when I got married but now it is something more.

What is your favorite thing to do with your spouse?

We like to play and be silly.  On our first date we walked to a park after a concert and played on the swings.  We haven’t stopped playing since then.  We go for bike rides, beach days, runs, walks, dancing, and just lots of laughing. 

What movie/song best describes your marriage? Nothing in between  by Stuart Davis

What is the one thing you wish you could tell women who are looking for love?

I wish I could tell my daughter that love is not about changing who you are.  I also wish I she knew that she doesn’t need someone to complete her.

Extra Notes:

I love being married.  My marriage is not legal but it is the most real thing I know.  My life has changed in some amazing ways from having such a healthy love.  I never knew life could be this great.

This is what my wife wrote on our wedding blog:

While I am rarely at a loss for words, I believe that love can be so totally engaging, healing, and transforming that all the physical senses lack the ability to capture the experience. That is where (Wife) and I are… in the throes of all that love reveals to us. We believe it will be some time before we can fully articulate the experience of cultivating our relationship because it has been so breathtakingly unexpected. But for the sake of reflection, love, and a snazzy wedding website, I’m going to try.

First of all, it seems that there are no words eloquent enough to capture what has happened between (Wife) and me. Neither of us was looking for a relationship or love… and we definitely weren’t looking to create a new family. Yet, that is what began to happen in almost effortless ways from the beginning. It started with a strong and indescribable connection that soon grew. We each experienced an awakening of pieces of ourselves we had not previously known. And most notably, we found new hope, vision, and dreams together.

 Yet, that is not all that happened. (Daughter), (Wife)’s fifteen-year-old daughter, was cautiously watching this relationship develop trying to figure out what it meant in her life. She soon discovered that I am not afraid to play and so began our relationship. Whether it was riding shopping carts in parking lots or searching for the perfect “trapper hat,” (Daugther) and I spent a lot of time talking, playing, and just hanging out.

 This leads us to today. We are planning our wedding as a ritual to share our commitment in the company of the friends and family that hold and nurture us. It is a special time for all three of us and we look forward to sharing it with you either in person or through pictures and conversation. Regardless, of how it happens, we want to share the joy we are experiencing with you.

Happy Anniversary

Sorry to have abandoned you. We were on vacation. And my feeling about marriage these days? Blah.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 4th Anniversary in a couple of weeks. My husband is not big on celebrating or anything. I usually make him buy me something. I realize 4 years isn’t anything to get worked up about. I mean we've made it past the honeymoon stage. Now we're in the stage when we're too busy for sex, too broke for date night and we're having a hard time deciding between buying a house and getting divorced. Yes, that's year 4 in a nutshell.

Well here are my lows and highs from the past 4 years.

Highs:

Year two, we started watching The Office. We borrowed the DVDs from a friend, and every night we’d watch until we couldn’t keep our eyes open. My husband would be too tired to get up for work in the morning. My husband doesn’t think I’m funny, and I think he’s a big dull dud, so the fact that we found something that amused us both was incredible. We laughed so hard.

The first year of marriage? Bliss. He would take a long lunch. Come home from work; we would have sex and eat lunch together. I would make everything from scratch. Cookies, bread, lasagna. Then, in the evening, I’d wait by the door for him to return from work. And we’d eat dinner together. Have sex. Talk about how much we loved each other. Ughhh. Gag. I’m glad that’s over.

 Lows:

When we moved across the Midwest, we had no furniture. Well we had a mattress. So we slept on that, ate on the floor and played brick breaker on our phones. So about 2 weeks after we moved, we drove 90 minutes down to IKEA and spent 8 hours getting EVERYTHING we needed for the house. Furniture to pots and pants. My husband has an opinion about the décor of the house, so the conflict and stress of picking out an entire house was almost too much for our marriage. Then after we had spent 8 hours with a newborn in IKEA, we discovered they didn’t deliver to our house. So my husband drove our stuff home in a moving truck, and then came back and got us. Wiped us out.

Driving 22-hours across country with 3 children and in-laws. We made it half-way, and my husband suggested we head home. After 2 hours of convincing him the rest of the trip wouldn’t kill us, we headed South. It was really stressful financially for my husband. The kids were having out-of-control-meltdowns everyday and the in-laws were exhausted. Perhaps a vacation after vacation?

So Celebrating 4 years of laughing, love, stress, kids, in-laws, redecorating...

  Girl
Number One

"I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ"-Anais Nin

Thankful Thursday Part 2

Okay, Fine. I'll make a list too. I don't want to be the one who is ungrateful. And I think I am ungrateful. After awhile, you just start expecting things from your spouse. You stop appreciating. So 10 things, I love about my husband.

1.      He works 2 jobs so I can stay home with the kids. He would work 8 jobs if he had to.

2.      He indulges my love of shoes.

3.      Some nights he comes home and says, “I know you want to go out to eat. Where to? Mexican?”

4.      He doesn’t know who is playing in the Super Bowl or what March Madness is. Instead he watches the Jersey Shore with me.

5.      He never says anything bad about me behind my back.

6.      He (usually) doesn’t get mad when I call him 7 times while he’s working.

7.      When I cry, he lets me wipe my nose on his shirt.

8.      He didn’t get too mad when we accidentally got pregnant 3 times. He’s a really great dad.

9.      He always says, “Okay, baby” when I tell him I need something.

10.  After almost 4 years, he finally puts the toilet seat down.

Girl Number One

Thankful Thursday

I'm going to pause and take a break from complaining. I'm going to list 10 things that I love about being married to my husband. Bear with me please. I am doing this for me. I need to do this so I can break out of my slump; this slump that I have found myself in...going three days strong. With the smell of bleach still clinging to my fingers (my husband was supposed to clean the tub, not me..) I will tell you, honestly, 10 new things that I love about my husband.

1. He's very very clean. He always smells good and always takes a shower. And always brushes his teeth.
2. My husband is very smart. He knows how to spell and he's like a living, breathing, Thesaurus. Comes in handy.
3. He laughs out loud while he's watching TV by himself.
4. He listens really well and always takes my side...unless I'm being a complete moron.
5. He is a really good Dad to our little one. He's affectionate and loving and loves to play with her.
6. He tells me he loves me every time we hang up on the phone and every time I leave the house.
7. He's a diligent worker at his job.
8. He does crossword puzzles while he watches sports
9. He never gets mad at me for crying. every day.
10. Every night I fall asleep reading, and he takes my glasses off and puts my book away and kisses me goodnight.

Whew. I feel better already.
girl number two

Extension of Interview #2

In a follow-up E-mail:

Also, I just wanted to say that in daily life with him - he does stuff that bugs the crap out of me. I mean the being late, snoring, forgetting to take out the garbage, royally screwing up on my birthday....but I've been trying really hard not to focus on those things.

I mean I know that is all just petty little stuff....and it irks me, but I am sincerely trying to let that stuff slide. It's easy for me to focus on those negative things...and all that does is end up making me really mad about stuff that is actually pretty dumb. So I try to bitch about it to my girlfriends and then feel better when I hear that everyone has equally goofy issues and that life isn't always "perfect", for anyone.

Interview #2

Age: 40

Years Married: 9.5

Children: 2

One previous marriage - divorced after 3 yrs. That was my college boyfriend....met at age 19 (hello, ridiculous age) - got married at 23 and divorced when I was 27.

  

What is the best quality about your spouse? 

Not so much one thing, but a combination of things. He is extraordinarily level headed...ridiculously intelligent....accepts my faults...I love that he and I enjoy a lot of the same things. He's responsible, honest, has integrity.

How important is Sex in your relationship?  Do you look forward to sex, or do you feel it has become a “duty”?

I am sad to report that sleep often wins out over sex. I do look forward to it, but it isn't first on the priority list.

When you first got married, is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

Not specifically. When we first got married I wasn't sure I wanted to have kids and he was okay with that. After a few years I really really wanted kids, not just for the sake of having kids, but because I wanted them with HIM.

What is your favorite thing to do with your spouse?

We have two small kids - sleep! Ok, that's kind of serious, but kind of not. Ok, in a fantasy moment, it would be a really nice dinner out together or traveling and exploring together. But on a more realistic, down to earth note, I think it's simply reading together or playing board games. I know, goofy, but it's fun to chat and play board games and drink tea after the kids are in bed.

What is the best thing about being married? The Worst?

I think realizing that as much as I sometimes think he doesn't understand me, that he really is the only person that truly gets me and accepts all of me. For some reason I'm having trouble thinking of things in terms of the best and worst. Worst.....in-laws? That might be it! I often need to remind myself that some of the things that bother me (like he's always late for things....) have always been the case. I mean he's always been kinda late for things, so I can't complain that much because I knew what I was getting into.

What is the one thing you wish you could tell women who are looking for love?

I think a lot of people want a WEDDING. They just want the romantic idea of a big wedding and happily ever after....instead of finding love first and planning a life together. I believe you need to be truly and honestly happy alone before you can be happy with someone else. I've met people who say "I want to get married young - or I always knew I wanted to get married before I was [insert random age here]." What? I mean what the hell does that mean? I don't get how you can decide to get married at a certain age when you haven't met that person yet. I mean what is the plan - just marry a warm body who will propose to you when you are 23, regardless of if you think you can be happy with them in 20 years? I also think that a lot of people make the mistake of thinking they can change someone to be more compatible with them. Nope, sorry, that doesn't happen. And if it does I think in the end you will both resent it.

In-laws

Yes, my in-laws arrived in town yesterday. Yes, they are staying For a month. If you don't hear from me for awhile, check the gutters. I mean, I love my in-laws, it's not that. I just might need more meds. Cuz I can't just sit around and watch soaps and eat bonbons when people are watching....

girls number one

The Good Fight

(Refer to my previous blog entry, Tug of War)
(And yes, for those of you who are noticing, I stole this blog title from a Sex and the City episode.)

My husband and I got into a (ridiculous) argument about really ridiculous things like: dishes, cooking, putting stuff away, toilet paper, and things like that. I cried, he yelled; we didn't talk for two hours, we screamed more, we laughed, I got mad again and he yelled some more and stormed into the bedroom...it was just one of those fights that lasted for hours and hours and nothing was accomplished. We finally fell into bed, exhausted, at midnight. After awhile we didn't even know what we were fighting about.

I may be completely off base here, but sometimes it feels good to fight. I get a lot of things off my chest. I'm a people pleaser (to the MAX) and most of the times I have a really hard time being honest about the way I feel. So when we're fighting, it gives me a chance to be brutally honest. It was silly and childish, and we each said very hurtful things.

But the next day on my facebook wall, for ALL the world to see, was this: 

"Baby, I love you so much. I need to work harder for you, and I will. I promise."

Coffee was ready and hot, the dishes were done, and my kitchen was sparkling clean before my husband left for work at 7am. Hmm..

So fighting sometimes just gets all that energy out and lays everything on the table. There's a couple hurt feelings and mental bruises, so to speak, but that heals. It ended up being a really good fight.

Girl no. 2

Movie Quotes

I was reading through some movie quotes today and came across this one.
From "Overboard", one of my favorite movies. I think this may be
my life quote.
Or perhaps, the motto for our Blog?

"I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God."

girl number one

Nice things

My husband and I don't speak the same love language (Love Languages). I don't want to paint my husband in a bad light or anything, but seriously, in the past 4 years, he's done about 8 nice things for me. Nice things = my love language. Most of the time he is a pain in my ass. And sometimes he does nice things for me, but they benefit him somehow. Like when he bought me an Iphone. I didn't really want one anyway, and the reality behind him buying it- he wanted an Iphone and he knew I'd be mad if he spent $400 on himself. (He got some deal; ended up only spending $400 on both and we had a $200 credit at best buy, so it was actually a pretty sweet deal).

Anyway, so this morning he had to wake up early and catch a flight. He kissed me before he left and said, "I made coffee for you." Okay keep in mind:

1. This is  the first time he's ever made me coffee in the morning.

2. I'm sure this was partly selfish, bc he wanted some coffee bc he was leaving early. But I didn't even care. It was the best part of my day, week, month.

Girl number one

Tug of War

Sometimes I feel like marriage is a game of tug-of-war. But, it's not fun...so I shouldn't call it a game.
Who worked harder this week?
Who got the least amount of sleep?
Who's the most stressed?
Who did the dishes last?
Who changed the last diaper?
Who changed the last POOPY diaper?
Who cooks more?
Who does more laundry?
Why is it such a battle? Why can't we just stop and appreciate what the other does and help out when we can? The person who had the least amount of sleep has the upper hand. The person with the full time job has the upper hand. Why? I so tired of tugging and pulling and trying to prove to my husband that I'm exhausted. I'm sick of him laying on the couch every day off he has, because he "works full time."I don't get a "day off" to lay on the couch. And on my "day off" I go to work. Actual work. I work a couple of days a week as a server. But when I get home it's back to laundry, cleaning, taking care of an eight month old.
Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

girl number two

Interview #1

I interviewed my Grandparents. They have been married for 60 years. My Grandpa's answers are in blue and my Grandma's answers are in pink. I didn't change any of their words.


Question 1-
How important is happiness to you? In your own life? In your marriage? Would you stay in a relationship if you were unhappy?

"NO! But "relationship" is a phony word for marriage."

"I'd probably stay. Probably"

Question 2-
What is the best quality about your spouse? Is that quality something you initially looked for in a spouse?

"Grace. Yes...how lucky to have found it."

"I was looking for a prince. Honest, hardworking, and caring. He is all of those."

Question 3-
What is the best marriage advice you have ever received? The worst?

The Best: "Nick, she is not your type! or Be gentle. "Think of spouse first, always. Laugh at your kids."
The Worst "Show her who is boss."

Question 4-
When you first got married is this where you saw yourself, where you are now?

"YES! Though I didn't expect to live this long."

"Yes"

Question 5-

Was there ever a time in your marriage, when you wanted to quit? How did you get through that?

"Prodigal children and grandchildren are the hardest to get through, but the last forty years were the easiest. Keep moving ahead toward your goals."

"Prayer time, family and friends."

Question 6-

What is the best thing about being married? The Worst?

"Companionship with Grace herself. There is no worst! But, the demands of love are....demanding."

"My friend. Doing things together, being together. The worst is being alone."


Girl No.2

Bobby Pins

Question I get asked the most (by my husband):

Why are your bobby pins all over the house? The floor? In our bed?

girl #1

Headaches and Orgasms

So, for the past 3 days, I've had a headache. Maybe brought on by stress, lack of sleep, new birth control. Who knows. I vaguely remember something about orgasms getting rid of migraines. Won't hurt to try...

And my headache is gone. Seriously. No headache.

Interesting Article about sex, migraines, headaches and orgasms

girl number one

Plateau

Sorry, I haven't written in awhile. I've been feeling blah and melancholy about my marriage. Perhaps we have hit a plateau. Which is okay, because I’m completely exhausted from the recent highs and lows. Specifically the lows.

The last time my husband and I had sex? Hmmm. Actually I can’t even remember.

He was putting the moves on me the other night, and I felt like I was going to puke. I’m just being honest. Perhaps this is just a phase? A phase that lasts while you have preschoolers. You’re so exhausted that the thought of having sex makes you want to puke?

Please tell me I’m not the only one…

Girl number one

Quote of the Week

Husband: What is menopause? When you stop being horny?

Girl number one

Date Night (with my husband)

Date Number #1, with my husband.
Date night was actually enjoyable. No kids. Starbucks. Movie. Wings and Beer.

Except the combo of starbucks and wings was a bad idea, but

we really wanted to have/do everything we love.

So despite the upset stomach and "too tired for Sex" later that night,

Date = success

Girl Number One

Absence

I do believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
My husband started a new job and has worked 10am to 8pm for five days straight. When he gets home I'm so happy to see him. We talk and laugh and kiss and cuddle.
When we were stuck inside for two days because of a snow storm, we almost got a divorce. Why is that?
Maybe humans are not supposed to be with their lover, constantly.
We need our own space to breathe. I enjoy when my husband is gone. I scrapbook, read, watch stupid TV, and sing to Glee songs.
But, having him gone 50+ hours a week is hard, too.
Do you agree? Would you rather have your loved one constantly around or do you need space?

Girl. No.2

Regina Spektor

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

Rules

It’s been 2 months since I began my search for love. I’ve gotten some bad advice, mostly from Hollywood. I’ve been reading a lot. I’ve been listening to love songs. I’ve talked to couples who have wonderful marriages. I’ve talked to women who are unhappy.

I keep coming back to “Sex and the City.” Crazy, right? Here’s what I keep thinking about: this idea that you can write our own rules. Rules that allow you to be comfortable and happy in your relationship. Rules that may clash with those of an orthodox marriage. Rules that justify open marriages and multiple partners. Rules that justify not wearing a wedding band.

Are you allowed to make up your own rules? As long as both are on board?

Girl Number One

Vacation

Girl No.2

I have been on vacation from the blog/life, but I'm back and ready for writing!
In the next couple of days, I'm going to post the interview I did with my Grandparents, who have been married for 60 years. I learned a lot from them and can't wait to share with my readers.

Soon to come!

What Gets you Heated

Check out our new Poll:

What is the most common thing

you and your partner fight about?

Merry Christmas

After 2 months of promises, my husband finally put the kid's Christmas present together.

Even though it took 2 months to complete this project,

I am grateful.

and maybe he'll even get lucky tonight.

Girl Number One 

The man and the Dog Food

I'm writing this up for a friend.

A story of my friend and her husband and their big yellow dog.

This story is marriage after the honeymoon ends.

Marriage after 25 years of sex, love, arguments, children.

Day one

6 p.m.

Husband: We’re out of dog food.

(She has n e v e r fed the dog)

Wife: Did he eat today?

Husband: This morning.

The questions: Did you notice this morning, the dog food was empty? Did you think of stopping on the way home from Work?

Day Two

6 p.m.

Husband: Did you get Dog Food?

(She has n e v e r bought dog food)

Wife: (Silence)

Husband gives dog some food from the fridge.

Dog is starving.

Day Three

Husband buys dog food at 9 p.m.

Dog is starving

6 weeks Later:

Husband: We’re out of dog food.

Recommended Reading

You can take a free assessment test at:

Assessment Test

and Check out the book at:

The 5 Love Languages

Love Languages: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmatioin, Quality Time, Gifts

From 5 Love Lanugages Blog:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/blog/

You can’t create a perfect marriage, but you can have a better marriage. And, it all begins with you. Most of us think that if our spouse would change we could have a better marriage. But that’s the wrong place to start.

When I counsel couples, I often give them paper and pencil and ask them to write for me the things they dislike about their spouse. You should see the lists. Some have to request additional paper. A bit later, I ask them to list for me what they feel to be their own weaknesses. Usually, they can think of one right away, but I have seen them think and think trying to come up with number two. The message is clear. “I’m not perfect, but the real problem is with my spouse.”

Jesus had a different idea: “First, get the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see more clearly how to get the speck out of eye of your spouse.” Begin by identifying your own failures and consider praying this prayer: “Lord, where am I failing in my marriage.”. Confess your discoveries to God and then to your spouse. You now have a clear conscience and you are free to change your own behavior and become a loving spouse.

Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Week after week, many wives sit at church alone. Feeling abandoned by their spouse and forgotten by their church, they live out their faith in survival mode, guarding the spiritual flame yet never feeling free to share it. But God wants them to thrive—not just survive

Fabulous Website

Blog/Website

Stupid Valentines Day

Our blog is entitled.... sex.love.marriage.

And we didn't post a single update on Valentines Day. The one day of the year specifically dedicated to love.

Stupid Valentines Day. Stupid.

Well, my husband worked a double on Valentines Day, but we went out for dinner the night before. We had good conversation, and we held hands. It was a really nice time. Since my husband worked all of Valentines Day, I wasn't really expecting him to get me anything. We leave for vacation on Sunday, so every penny is being put toward that. So I went to bed yesteday night with no thought about the silly day. It's so stupid anyway...I woke up at 5 am to feed my daughter and there on the coffee table was a big box of chocolates and a card. 

I opened the card. And I quote:

"Baby, I love you so much!....even more than sandwiches...even after all these years. Love, A"

Tears sprang up in my eyes. My husband DOES love sandwiches. But, he loves me more. Maybe Valentines Day isn't so bad.

Girl No.2

Coming Up

This Sunday, my husband and I leave for sunny Florida. We're staying with my Grandparents who recently celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary.

While I'm down there, I am going to interview them. Just some simple questions about how their marriage has survive all of these years. I really want to know if my Grandpa left dirty socks all over the house and if he left dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher was empty. I'll be posting word for word their answers; hopefully, giving you, my readers, a little insight into a successful marriage. If "successful" does indeed mean longevity.

Girl No.2

GIVEAWAY

In order to qualify:

1. You must share our blog with a friend/co-worker/family member. They must follow our blog. Include the name of the person in a comment on this blog.  

2. You must respond/comment (on the next Post, "Share your Story") with the story of how/where you met your spouse, first impression, first date, first kiss.

You have until Friday, February 18th. Midnight

On Saturday, we will draw a name, from the ones who qualified, and we will send you something to use for date night. Possibly a restaurant gift card, but who knows...

Share your Story

story of how/where you met your spouse, first impression, first date, first kiss

(see GIVEAWAY post)

Girl Number One:

 My boss was going to marry this guy (business deal, she is a lesbian).

He needed to get married to stay in the country; his Work Permit had expired.

"Hey, Girl Number One, the guy I'm going to marry is sitting at the bar. You actually might like him. Go say Hi."

I did. We had our first date that night at TGI Fridays in Ann Arbor. We also had our first kiss that night. Judge all you want.

First Impression: I am actually not attracted to foreigners, but for some reason I was really attracted to this one. Obviously his good looks was the first thing I noticed. He was cocky and good-looking. And he still is.


Girl No.2
I met my spouse when we were both working in a restaurant. I was seeing someone else at the time and thought my spouse was a huge nerd. We got to know each other at work and sometimes hung when groups of us would go out. Then my current boyfriend and I broke up. My husband asked me out for coffee and I said no. I just couldn't see myself dating him at all. He wasn't my style. 
Weeks went by and we became very close friends. He met my parents (as a friend) and we went to the beach almost every day that summer. We officially went on our first date weeks later and he wined and dined me.
Our first kiss was wonderful. We went on several dates before I let him kiss me. I wanted it to be special. It was.

Article from Focus on the Family

understanding your husbands sexual needs

Spring Break

My husband is on Spring Break. Seriously. In Miami. He's been bugging me for the last 3 years. For three years, he's been saying that he feels incomplete because he's never been to Florida, had beers on the beach and flirted with girls in bikinis. He is going to be 30 this year, so if he m u s t go, I suppose this is the last year he can. Before he's too old for Spring Break. I mean, Spring Breaks ended for me when I was 22, but men are different. They need bikinis for a little longer than we do.

So I thought I wouldn't hear from him for 4 days. His last fling. "Go to the beach, stay out late, flirt, get drunk. Because after this, we'll be going to Disneyworld, apple orchards and the Zoo."

I got 5 calls after his plane landed; plus a video call so he could show me the hotel room. Then I got a call at 2:30 a.m. and a message about how much he missed me. He still has 3 more days; I hope he does a little bit of flirting. But I knew he'd miss us. He has finally become a family man. Finally.

girl number one

Taking out the trash

Husband: Where is my little bag for travel?

Me: What do you mean? In the trash.

Husband: Where is it?

Me: I took the trash out.

Husband: You're kidding me, right?

Me: What?! It was in the trash. I didn't take it out of the trash.

Husband: Didn't you think it was weird that it was in the trash? You should have called me and asked me about it.

Me: You want me to call you at work and ask you about what's in the trash?

Husband: I just can't believe you saw it in the trash, then emptied it into the kitchen trash and then took it to the dumpster and you didn't think of calling me.

Me: What?!? Why was it in the trash anyway?

Husband: I had washed it out and was letting it dry.

Me: Over the trash?

Husband: Yes

Me: You could have put it somewhere else to dry.

Husband: There wasn't anywhere else to put it.

Me: In the whole house, the only place you could think of was over the trash.

Husband: I can't believe you threw it away. What were you thinking?

Me: Yeah, I'm not going to be able to discuss this any further, because it's insane.

End Scene
Girl Number One

What turns you on?

New Poll

What turns you on?

When thinking of sexy cologne, think:

Love & Respect Conference

Just thought you might be interested in a marriage conference offered up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

You can check out schedule/times/location/price at Love & Respect Conference.

Boosting Your Sex Drive

I think deep down we all want a strong sex drive. We just don't know how to get it back. I've done a little research and here's what I've found:

Some medical websites say it's an actual physical problem for women as early as their late 20s and early 30s. http://women.webmd.com/features/whhttp://www.thirdage.com/menopause/nine-sex-drive-killersen-desire-dies-bringing-your-sex-drive-back-life

There are certain foods that can increase your sex drive.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/healthy-living/how-to-boost-your-sex-drive-780947.html

One website gives 9 Sex Drive Killers, which I found pretty interesting. 

http://www.thirdage.com/menopause/nine-sex-drive-killers

From what most websites say, low sex drive in women is a combination of three major things: being uncreative in the bedroom, a medical problem, and/or diet/exercise.

I'm off to exercise. I'll start there. Exercise helps so many things in our life anyway. Where will you start?

girl no. 2

In the Bedroom

Since starting this Blog, I promised myself (and my husband) I would be more open-minded and adventurous in the bedroom. Although I don’t prefer Chocolate to Sex, I do prefer Chips and Salsa. Many experts (authors of romance, marriage, sex, relationship books) suggest that if you’re not “in the mood”, you can simply have a Quickie. Hmm. I could do that. So I did, and it was great. Quick. To the point. I got back to reading within 10 minutes, and I was happy. And my husband was happy. Sure, sometimes we want the romance, but we both get what we want with a Quickie.

My husband is satisfied and I get to watch “Jersey Shore” in peace.

Girl Number One

Secret #3

Since my Husband INSISTS we stay on a budget, sometimes when I need gas, I also grab a bag of chips, a soda and a candy bar. And a Vitamin water. Gosh, gas was expensive this time...

girl no. 1

The Rules for Marriage

So I came across this book while I was at the Library.

"The Rules of Marriage" Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

I'm not going to provide a link to it; it's not a GREAT book on Marriage.

There are better ones out there.

Anyway, so they have these 43 rules that are "supposed" to make your marriage work.

I'm anxious to know what constitutes people as "experts" of love and marriage.

I mean, do they just let anyone write books about marriage? Is there a test you have to take?

Some of the Rules I like:

#3 Keep up your looks

So many women let themselves go after marriage/kids. I always feel better after I put on mascara and do my hair.

#16 Don't use the D (divorce) Word

Don’t let it be an option.

#24 He can say anything about his family but you can't

I love this one.

Some rules I was unsure about:

#10 Accept that some things are none of your business

I’m not super big on secrets. Why can’t we share everything?

#31 Don't complain about the kids

The author says to complain to your mom friends, instead of to your husband. That is stupid.

#39 Don't think marriage counseling is the answer

Sometime it is, right? I'm a huge advocate for counseling. It’s good to have someone to talk to/listen.

#40 Realize that your marriage is over if he cheats even once

Once a cheater, always a cheater? That’s the big question. I realize that some men never change, but maybe some do. I'd like to think that some men are capable of change.

I've realized over the course of my research and reading, you just can't believe all of the marriage advice out there. What works for some people, doesn't work for others. I was also reading somewhere online that both of the authors are divorced. What the heck?

girl number one

Strickly Business and Pleasure

The first couple of days of February have been rough. We had a H U G E blizzard here. Phew. Hopefully everyone got their driveways shoveled, and everyone enjoyed a couple of days snowed in.

Since we're off to a rough start, we're going to begin our very first

(insert drum roll)

G I V E A W A Y.

Cheers!
But we can't tell you now, maybe in a week or so...
It's going to be good.
We promise.
(hint: something to use on Date Night. and no, it's not edible underwear)

Stay Tuned...

Soul Mates

"A soulmate or soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join."

Who is your soul mate?

 I am lucky enough to have two soul mates. Some people don't have any.
My ultimate soul mate is my sister. She has known me the longest, loved me the hardest, fought for me to the death, and makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants. We talk on the phone 10 times a day. I feel like we are telepathic sometimes. We have twin souls that are in two bodies.
My other soul mate is my best friend, Samantha. I met her when I was thirteen years-old. We fight and disagree from politics to literature. She's seen me at my absolute worst, yet is always on my side. She understands me on a very deep level. We finish each others thoughts and sentences. She always know what I'm thinking.

My husband is not my soul mate. He does not understand why I cry during 'Teen Mom' on MTV. He doesn't understand why I read Harry Potter one week and then Jane Eyre the next. He hasn't seen me at my worst and he hasn't cleaned puke out of my hair. He is my partner. My roommate. My lover. He comforts me when I'm lonely. We've only known each other for three years. I've known my sister for 25 years and Samantha for over 10 years. He has lots of catching up to do.

I think it's okay to let your husband off the hook...It's okay to let a woman be your soul mate. I've come to terms with this. I don't believe a spouse has to be your ultimate soul mate. I believe it happens, but not as often as some would like. Your soul mate can be anyone who gets you and give you that feeling of peace and unity. I think a lot of times women expect this from their spouse...so they constantly are on the lookout for it and perhaps will leave their marriages trying to find it.

I have two women who are my soul mates to the end.
And one man who I will share a porch swing with when we're 90 years old. I can't wait.

girl number two

I wish I had a Shot Gun

Today was this: Everything my husband did annoyed me. It was like the sound of him chewing made me wish I could jump out of a moving vehicle.

I am not making this up.

Me: Can you go to the store and get Pull-ups?

Him: Don't we have some?

Me: I mean, I have like 5. I'm just worried we're going to get snowed in. and then we won't have any.

Him: Okay.

5 Minutes Later.

Over the Phone.

Him: What size? 3T?

Me: 2T.

Him: Won't those be too small?

Me: Well, no

Him: Should I get 3T?

Me: No, 2T. Can you get some wipes?

Him: Don't we have any?

Me: We just bought some, but we need more.

Him: So we have some?

Me: I just need more wipes.

Him: But we have some?

Me: You're right, we don't need them.

Him: Should I get butt paste?

Me: If you want to.

Him: Do we need some?

Me: Yeah, his butt is really red.

Him: So should I get some?

I wish I had a shot gun. I'm just being honest.

Girl Number One

January Reading

Girl Number One

I hope you girls read "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate". Ahh, so good. Honestly, it changed the way I look at sex. Honestly. The author, Joan Sewell, not only is brutally honest and open about her sex life with boyfriend, then fiancé, then husband, she is a really great writer. So many times when I read these "self-help/relationship guide" books, I can't get past the horrible writing. But, Ahh, a breath of fresh air with Joan.

Two of my favorite Quotes are from the Beginning of the book.

"Dr. Laura Berman said, 'A lot of men don't realize that some of the best foreplay you can give your wife is taking the kids, washing the dishes, cleaning up. She will be so turned on, right?'"

Read out loud to my husband.

"If you don't enjoy sex, and are having it anyway, you are truly being submissive in the most personal way possible."

I love this book because it's not just one woman's ideas and thoughts. The author researches and reads and searches for answers about sex and marriage. She quotes television, other writers, and other women.

It's really a collaboration of thoughts. And it's powerful; and for me, life changing.

Let me know what you thought about the Book.